My Love Hate Relationship with Role Play

I love it. I hate it. You see, me and role playing go way back. I spent 12 years in medical sales where they love to use role playing in sales training. The problem is that role playing was never really about learning. It was about putting people under pressure to see how they will perform. I’ve seen very talented and successful reps breakdown and cry from the pressure of having to role play with the CEO or National Sales Manager who was always the “very mean doctor” that we had to sell our product to. Myself included.

So when I was first introduced to Teepa Snow and saw that role playing makes up a large part of her training and live events, I thought “Oh no!”. I wanted to leave role playing behind in another chapter of my life. Before long though I realized there is a big difference to what Teepa does and what I was exposed to in the past. Every time I see Teepa, I learn something new. The Uh-Oh moments always become Ah-Ha moments.

Teepa was in Halifax April 24th and 25th to do training with staff and volunteers of Northwood. This is the facility where my dad lives. It is a large organization with about 2000 staff and 500 residents. I was beyond excited that Teepa was going to be here. The weekend before I had a special birthday party to attend in Ontario. I was freaking out all weekend that I wouldn’t get back Sunday evening to be there on Monday morning for the first session because there’s been so many horror stories lately of passengers being bumped from flights. My worries eased as I was sitting at the gate and along came Teepa! Well, okay then, she’s not in Halifax yet either. Turns out we were on the same flight.

We greeted one another as we were waiting to board and I asked if she was travelling with any team members. She replied “no, so if you want to play over the next two days I could use your help.” Oh boy, that’s not what I was expecting her to say. “Sure” I replied rather meekly. As we got off the plane and parted ways, I said in my most confident voice, “I’m happy to help in any way I can” knowing this would mean role play.

The next morning we got started. There were three sessions in total that day and role play after role play I felt very much like a novice. Thoughts like “you’re not good enough, just quit now, you can’t do this” were flying through my head. I was getting stressed, frustrated and annoyed with myself. I was also feeling very exposed and vulnerable.

But of course quitting was not an option. I took a deep breath and thought about all the persons with dementia. They need us to keep trying. We can’t quit or give up on wanting to do better. Yes it’s difficult but it’s a lot harder living with dementia. And I realized that no one else in the room could do any better and these are people who live out these role plays caring for people with dementia every single day.

During the course of the two days, I told Teepa that I often find myself with my dad in a situation and I will think “what would Teepa do?” Her response was that Teepa would do the best she could. She would try something and if it didn’t work, she would try something else. She would let it go knowing that she was doing the best she could. She also reminded me that if anyone is looking for a job where they can be perfect all the time, then caring for a person with dementia is the wrong field for them. Being a recovering perfectionist, I needed to hear that.

I can honestly say that I learned more in those two days than I ever could have imagined. I decided that I have a healthy brain and I have the choice to approach the situation in one of two ways: I can worry that I’m not good enough and let anxiety take over. Or I can just let go, laugh at myself, and learn from all the Uh-Oh moments that became Ah-Ha moments. I chose the latter and had a blast.

So the next time you see me role play, it’s okay. Go ahead and laugh. I’ll know you’re laughing with me not at me. And together we will learn step by step what we can do to make life better for people living with dementia.